22 January 2014

Pitch Wars ALT: VB-11 - THE INVISIBLE GIRL

MENTOR: Gail Nall
ALTERNATE: Amy Kinzer
TITLE: THE INVISIBLE GIRL
CATEGORY/GENRE: MG Contemporary
WORD COUNT: 45,000

PITCH: When twelve-year-old Beatrice becomes homeless after her father disappears, her family moves into a rundown hotel.  Bee finds solace in the misfit group of drifters she meets, embarks on a search for her father, and fights to be seen in a world where she’s invisible.


EXCERPT:
I have a secret. I keep it buried inside, stashed away in the place where heartaches live. I've never told anyone my secret because I'm afraid it will implicate me as an accomplice. The last words my dad said to me were, "Bee, there's s simple law of physics that says in a big enough crowd, everyone becomes invisible."

I didn't think anything of it at the time because my dad was a magician and I thought it was his lame attempt at a metaphor. He said those words and disappeared. Poof! He was gone. Just like one of the magic tricks he performed at birthday parties. After he vanished Mom couldn't pay the landlord and now we live in our car.

Dad's not the only one who can disappear. My mom says we have to stay out of sight. She's worried if CPS finds out where we live they will take me and my kid brother away. Being invisible is easy since magic runs in my family. The trick is to scrunch myself up, as tight as I can. I make my shoulders small and fold myself up so no one can see me. I’m so good at it that I could perform the trick in the circus.

I sit in the passenger seat of my dad's old Chevy watching vehicles pull into the Fantastic Fun Park! The happiest place on Earth! If anyone gets too close to our car, I hold still so I blend in with the upholstery. My brother sits in the backseat with the sleeping bag pulled over his head.

4 comments:

  1. Hi, can you send the first three chapters and a synopsis of your MS? queryemily at forewordliterary dot com. Thanks!

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  3. This sounds fabulous--I'd love to see more! Please email the full manuscript as a word document with your query pasted into the first page to suzie@newleafliterary.com. Put REQUESTED MATERIAL in the subject line.

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  4. I'd love to see more. Please send query (in the body of the email), with synopsis and full manuscript attached as Word documents, to ESubmissions at SarahJaneFreymann dot com. Thank you!

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