Love & Life & Embracing Differences

Over the past few years, I've started a lot of my blog posts (and Facebook status updates ... and updates on basically every social media platform) with apologies for my long, unexplained absences.

I always have a solid explanation for why I've been missing in action.

Life has been busy ...

I've been sick ...

I didn't have access to the internet ...

Things were just a crazy, mixed-up muddle of a mess ...

While these excuses have been 100% true, they don't tell the full story. And I feel like I need to tell the whole story. I've started this blog post dozens of times over the past couple of years, and I've never finished. But I promised myself that I would do it this time, so I've been sitting at my desk for nearly 36 hours, typing and deleting and typing things over again, until I can get it right ...

You know about my brain tumor. You may have even read the long, multi-part story about it. And all of the follow-up stories about how dealing with a brain tumor can be difficult & scary sometimes.Yet I know how scary the phrase "brain tumor" can be, and I don't want to worry people that I care about, so I've adopted a habit of downplaying things maybe a bit more than I should.

But I'm tired. And I'm scared. And this is a super-heavy burden to carry on my own, so I'm just going to lay it all out right here and hope that the load won't be quite so heavy when I have to pick it up again ...

Here are the things you need to know about me:

1. Because my brain tumor is in the brain stem, it literally messes with every single signal that travels from my brain to the rest of my body. Every single one. So if my elbow hurts, the injury is almost never actually on my elbow. And I have to go over my entire body to find the bruised shin or stubbed toe that's causing my elbow to hurt. And even the smallest emotional stress translates into super-intense physical pain.

2. Remember when you were really little and your mom told you "Don't make faces, or your face might freeze that way!" and you laughed at the silliness of the sentiment? ... Yeah, I have to be very careful about how wide I open my mouth when I yawn or something. Because, yep. My face might freeze that way. (I've totally stopped eating grapes, because if I accidentally eat a sour grape and my mouth puckers involuntarily, it might stay that way for an hour or two. And it hurts. A lot.)

3. Because my brain has to constantly adjust to the chaos of mixed/misinterpreted signals, it auto-corrects just about EVERYTHING. This can be a good thing. For example, I've never experienced jet lag, because as soon as I look at a clock in the new time zone, my brain adjusts to the new time. But it can also be a weird thing. For example, I have a really hard time hearing accents, though my family swears I pick up every accent I hear. (The kids love to entertain their friends by talking to me in different accents to show how my replies will match whatever accent they're adopting - including totally made-up accents.)

4. Optimism isn't optional for me. My brain doesn't know how to process fighting or negativity. I feel every harsh word as an intense, physical pain. Like hot skewers rammed through my body kind of pain. And if I get around people who are fighting, complaining, or yelling, my body literally shuts down. As in collapsed on the floor, still fully conscious but unable to move, speak, or even breathe properly. (When my kids were toddlers, they totally took advantage of this fact, because they realized that, if mommy told them "no," and they wanted to do it anyway, they just had to scream until mommy was paralyzed on the floor and couldn't stop them from doing it.) And it doesn't matter if people are fighting or yelling at me. Any fighting that happens where I can witness it is enough to literally paralyze me.


5. I'm totally not kidding about the brain auto-correcting thing. A few months ago, at my middle daughter's choir concert, I suddenly had a brilliant epiphany that could potentially solve all of the world's problems: "You know how, when everyone wears the same uniform, all of their physical characteristics blend together and you can't tell the difference between height, skin tone, or body shape anymore? We could all just wear uniforms every day!!" My oldest daughter and my husband laughed for about a week at that one. "That's not a real thing!" ... Which is how I discovered, at almost 40 years old, that my insistence that we could fix the world if we'd just stop looking for reasons to divide ourselves was truly insensitive and hurtful to those facing attacks on a daily basis. And my heart is absolutely breaking over this realization. (p.s. Now that I've realized I have this processing issue that totally isn't a normal way to view the world, I feel like I need to apologize to any that I might have inadvertently offended. If I ever made you feel like I wasn't taking your struggles seriously enough ... If my genuine inability to see the divisions our society faces has caused you pain ... I apologize from the bottom of my heart. I've learned that I need to more frequently check my perceptions against what's "normal," and hopefully I'm getting better. But if I've hurt you, please don't hesitate to say something to me!)


Over the past too-many-months, I have witnessed attacks against people who are Muslim, Black, Hispanic, Jewish, Women, Transgender, Mormon, LGBT, Refugees, Disabled, Athletes, Native American (I could go on and on) ... And although I don't personally identify with most of those categories, I am amazingly blessed to have wonderful people in my life who fit each of these labels. And so many other labels that ultimately don't matter at all. Human is human, and no matter how you slice it, we're all part of the same family. And my wonderful, annoying brain tumor won't allow me to separate myself from "the other," even if I wanted to. So every single time I hear someone I love and respect lobbing attacks at "those people" - no matter which group of people they're hurling hatred at, and no matter how far removed from my personal experience that particular group may be - it hurts. A lot.

And I wanted to speak up. I wanted to stand tall and raise my voice and use my strength and my privilege to be a protector for my friends and acquaintances who genuinely feared for their safety and the safety of their families. Instead, because of my stupid brain tumor, I spent too many days paralyzed, unable to get out of bed, unable to function, because the negativity was just too strong.

I literally couldn't speak up. I couldn't move. I couldn't act. I couldn't even breathe. I've cancelled plans with friends and neglected important household tasks because I literally couldn't function properly. And I've spent more nights than I care to count staring at the ceiling, wondering if this night might be my last. (Because when breathing isn't an automatic response ... when you have to consciously remind your lungs to expand and contract to bring in the necessary oxygen ... falling asleep and letting that conscious effort lapse is frankly terrifying. I never know if I'll actually wake up again.)

And I've felt so guilty that I wasn't being more proactive in supporting those who needed my support. So over and over again (dozens ... maybe even hundreds of times), I've started writing this blog post to explain. To assure you that I'm here. I'm watching. I'm praying for you. And I'm doing what I can - even if all I can do is send virtual hugs and lots of real love. But as much as I feel the need to explain myself, I also don't want to be that girl who just makes excuses for her lack of action. And I don't want to play that "me first" card, making the genuine pain and fear that so many are facing all about how those attacks and threats to others hurt me too. Because while it's true that an atmosphere of hate hurts every single member of our human family, it's not okay for me to put my own comfort and safety above those friends and family members who have been targeted.

So I hope this post serves as an explanation, and not an excuse. I hope you know that I'm here for you, even if I can't always carry your burdens as well as I'd like to. I'm praying for you, even if I can't speak. And I'm thinking of you always.

With that said ... I hope you'll understand if I shift the focus of my blog and my social media presence for the time being. I need to go back to actively looking for the things to be grateful for, even if it looks like I'm focusing on superficial things instead of the deeper issues facing our world today. So I will tweet about books that I love and books that I'm excited to read. I will search your twitter feeds for reasons to celebrate your milestones and send ample hugs and love. I will post recipes inspired by my amazing friends and tell the stories of how those recipes came to be. In a world that's often too weighed down by criticism and hate, I will focus on all the little ways I can share love.

I love you all!

"Win" or "Lose," Pitch Wars Might Change Your Life

When entering online writing contests like Pitch Wars, it's important to remember that, whether you make it to the next level or not, simply taking that step forward to bravely enter might be the catalyst that changes your life forever. 

 I've written about this subject many times before. Many times. Like here, here, here, and here. And here. I've talked about how I got my agent after NOT getting picked in a contest. And how my debut novel, TWELVE STEPS, was both inspired by a contest rejection AND how success in a contest ultimately led to publication.

You might think that I've already exhausted the subject, and I couldn't possibly have anything more to say. Unless, of course, you've ever met me. Because then you'll know that I'm constantly looking for new insights and lessons to learn from the trials I go through.

Three years ago at this time, I was a Pitch Wars hopeful, biting my nails to oblivion while I nervously waited for the mentor picks to be announced. In case you haven't read the blog posts I linked to above, I wasn't picked for the contest. And I was devastated. I wanted to give up on writing altogether.

But my amazing new writing friends ... all the people I met in the contest trenches ... wouldn't let me give up. So instead of packing away my story pencils, I wrote something new. (And that manuscript went on to become my debut novel.)

Last year, and the year before, I participated in Pitch Wars on the other side of the glass, as a mentor. And I got to meet a TON of amazing writers. My fellow mentors. My mentees. Writers who submitted their manuscripts to me, who I wanted to choose but couldn't. Writers who chatted with me on the Twitter #PitchWars hashtag. I've met my best writing friends in the contest trenches.

But you already knew all of that, didn't you? I've told these stories hundreds of times, so why bother writing yet another post to rehash the same old tales?

Because when I tell you that participating in  Pitch Wars might change your life, I'm not just talking about your writing career.

If you read my blog regularly or follow me on Twitter, you probably know that last April, I was thrilled to hear that the Air Force was sending us back to Maryland, back "home," back to the area where the climate is best suited to help with my health issues. And you probably know that in May, I was devastated to discover that my home had been destroyed by water and mold. And you probably even saw one or both of the auctions that friends in the publishing community put together to help raise funds for the repairs, when the insurance company refused to pay.

You've probably seen my repeated posts, thanking people for their help and support, and counting the many, many blessings that have come from this particular trial. I honestly don't know I could get through each day without the support I see from my friends.

And here's the thing, folks: The majority of those people helping me and supporting me and carrying me through the trials when I literally can't walk another step on my own? Guess where we met? Yep. Through Pitch Wars and other, similar, online contests. Even the friend of a friend I mentioned last Friday ... the one who helped me find a temporary place to live so my family and I won't be homeless while we're trying to repair our house. You guessed it. The mutual friend connecting us was one of the writers I met in this amazing community.

When I say that Pitch Wars changed my life, I mean it. Yes, the experience made me a better writer. Yes, I credit much of my publishing success to the lessons I learned from both successes and failures in the contest trenches. But publishing success is only a part of what makes Pitch Wars great. The real value in these online contests is the connection you make with other writers. 

The friendships you forge here may be the relationships that carry you through when the stress of real life pushes you down. That's the true value of Pitch Wars.


For other perspectives on how Pitch Wars changes lives, check out the stories and advice in this blog hop with messages from last year's Pitch Wars mentees.

Adventures in a Real-Life Hallmark Movie

You know that scene in all those Hallmark Channel movies, when the whole town comes together to save the main character from whatever drama she's facing? Yeah, I feel like I've been living in that scene for the past several months, as we struggle to get our home fixed. I've been living on the verge of a total meltdown every day, yet every time I hit that place where I simply can't do it anymore on my own, someone steps forward to carry my burden for me. Between the overwhelming auctions put together by so many amazing publishing people and the donations on our gofundme page, I spent a lot of this summer crying happy tears. I still can't believe how much support we're getting from all of you wonderful folks!

We've officially moved back to Maryland now, but we're still waiting for work to begin in restoring our house. We're facing what I think will be the last hurdle before we can get a loan to pay for the renovations, and I'm trying to stay positive, even though the silence is killing me with every day we wait. (We have to get an official appraisal saying what the house will be worth after repairs ... but so far we've had two appraisals scheduled, and though both were warned about the damage, they didn't take the warnings seriously. Both appraisers backed out as soon as they saw the true extent of the mold damage. If you're the praying type, please send up a prayer for us, as we have a third appraiser scheduled to go in today. If the appraisal comes back with a value high enough to justify the loan we need, we'll be able to get work started!)

Still, I'm a firm believer that every trial brings great blessings. And every challenge, no matter how devastating it may seem, is just another building block in the foundation of greatness.

This belief has certainly been strengthened since we arrived in Maryland.

We arrived with cheerful thoughts and high hopes a little over a week ago. We didn't know where we were going to live while waiting for our home to be fixed or how we were going to get through the next few weeks or months, but we were confident that it would all work out somehow. (I'd hoped, when I discovered the damage in May, that we'd be able to get the work completed over the summer and be ready to move in by the time we arrived. Sadly, that was not the case. Instead, we spent all summer trying to find a way to pay for the repairs.)

Turns out, finding affordable (or even super-expensive) temporary housing (a place that doesn't require a long-term lease) for six people and two cats isn't as easy as you might think. We found several apartments that offered short-term leases and welcomed our two cats ... but they had a four person limit. Then, we found one place that would allow all six of us, but only one of our cats. And one place that had room for all of us (cats included), but wouldn't be available until mid-October! Each possibility we explored started with a surge of hopefulness, leading to total despair when my hopes were crushed. When we reached the end of the list (after calling or visiting every apartment complex we could find in the area, and even begging a local realtor for leads) with no results, I sat in my car and cried. My only options were to give up one or more of my family members in exchange for a place to live ... or to remain homeless for a couple of months. None of those options were acceptable, but I didn't know what else to do.

So I went online and sent out a call for help to all of my friends in the area. Minutes later, a friend of a friend saw my plea. And she had a friend who was getting ready to put her home up for rent at the beginning of September. A friend who was willing to speed up the process so we could move in right away. A friend who had room for our whole family AND our cats. ... And her friend has become, in only a few short days, not only my landlord but someone I can truly call a friend as well.

I'm still hovering on the edge of tears every single day, and I feel like I'm walking an unmarked path through woods so dark I can't see farther than my next step at any given moment. But I will keep walking, keep moving forward. Because though the journey is difficult and sometimes truly terrifying, there are so many wonderful blessings to be found along the way. And I have discovered the best traveling companions to get me through. Thank you all for being a part of my journey! I love and appreciate you more than words can possibly express.

When Thank You is Not Enough

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I am so grateful for the trials and troubles I experience in life! Not that I'm a glutton for punishment, or that I actually enjoy that miserable experience of feeling like the whole world is crashing in on me. But every disaster I've ever experienced has come with an outpouring of love and blessings ... and for that, I am truly grateful.

 If you haven't yet heard about our house in Maryland being destroyed, you can catch up on the story here. I already mentioned how grateful I was at the outpouring of support I received in the days immediately following the discovery, but the love and support has been so constant and ongoing, I have to write another post to say thank you!

I'm especially grateful this week for Brenda Drake, who organized an online auction to benefit our house rebuilding efforts. And for all of my friends in the publishing industry (agents, editors, artists and authors) who have donated items for the auction! 

In case you haven't seen the auction yet, there are a TON of AMAZING items up for bid! Books for all ages, manuscript and query critiques, custom artwork, marketing consultations, editing services ... My amazing editor, Mandy Schoen even offered a 50 page critique PLUS 30 minute phone consultation about the manuscript! I'm absolutely overwhelmed by the amount of awesome in this auction, and there simply aren't words big enough to express my gratitude for you all. Both those who donated auction items and those who are bidding on them.

When Brenda told me that she was putting together this auction, I never imagined that she would have more than 90 people wanting to donate to help me! (Brenda said she had so many offers that she had to turn people away in the end. I can't believe how supportive everyone has been!!) There are auction listings for:
* Signed Books (including Advance Reader Copies for books that haven't even come out yet!)
* Marketing Help and Consultations
* Custom Artwork and Formatting Services
* Query Critiques
* Partial Manuscript Critiques
* Full Manuscript Critiques
* Query & Chapter Critiques with Literary Agents
* Critiques & Phone Calls with Editors

My twitter feed has been blowing up with notifications, and I simply can't keep up with all of the well-wishes and support that has been coming my way. But I wanted to send my gratitude and undying love out to all of you! If a grateful heart truly is a beginning of greatness, then I am well on my way to achieving that status. Because I am absolutely in awe. You guys are the best!!

For those who might be interested in the auction, I've included the links at the bottom of this post as well, sorted into easy-to-navigate categories. (Click on the item number to learn more about the item - and to bid. Click on the donor's name to learn more about the author / editor / agent who donated it. Many of the Pitch Wars mentors who have donated critiques for this auction have also participated in one (or more) of Brenda's Query & First Page Workshops. You can find samples of their critiques from those workshops on Brenda's blog, if you want to get a sense of their critique styles.

Signed Books (Including Advance Reader Copies!!)

Auction Item 22: Signed Copy of ANOMALY by Tonya Kuper

Auction Item 27: Signed Copy of REAPER Plus Swag by L.S. Murphy

Auction Item 28: Signed Trilogy of THE PAPER MAGICIAN series (paperback) by Charlie Holmberg

Auction Item 29: E-ARC and swag bundle of CHAMELEON by K.T. Hanna

Auction Item 30: Signed Copies of JERICHO RISING & JERICHO’S REDEMPTION by Mary Lynne Gibbs

Auction Item 31: Signed Copy of THE MAIDEN’S COURAGE by Mary Lynne Gibbs

Auction Item 32: Signed Copy of YOU’RE INVITED by Jen Malone & Gail Nall

Auction Item 33: Signed Copy of BREAKING THE ICE by Gail Nall

Auction Item 34: Signed Copy & Swag of ACROSS THE DISTANCE by Marie Meyer

Auction Item 35: Signed Copy of FREE AGENT by J.C. Nelson

Auction Item 36: Signed Copy of ARMAGEDDON RULES by J.C. Nelson

Auction Item 37: ARC OR Final copy of WISH BOUND by J.C. Nelson

Auction Item 38: Signed Copy of BASEBALL’S BEST ROOKIES by Russ Cohen

Auction Item 39: Signed Copy of WINTER CLASSIC by Russ Cohen

Auction Item 40: Signed copy of NUMBERS DON’T LIE: METS by Russ Cohen

Auction Item 41: Box Set of FRACTURED IMMORTAL and FINDING IMMORTAL by E.L. Wicker

Auction Item 42: Signed Copy of TIMEKEEPER RISING by Allyssa Painter

Auction Item 43: Signed Copy of DANGEROUS LOVE + bookmarks by Kara Leigh Miller

Auction Item 49: Signed Copy of THESE GENTLE WOUNDS by Helene Dunbar

Bonus Auction Item 3: Signed Copy of THE LAST FIFTH GRADE OF EMERSON ELEMENTARY by Laura Shovan

Bonus Auction Item 4: Signed ARC of MY SEVENTH-GRADE LIFE IN TIGHTS by Brooks Benjamin

Bonus Auction Item 12: Signed Copy of THIEF OF LIES by Brenda Drake 


 Marketing & Consultations
Auction Item 4: One Hour Marketing Consultation Call by Jen Malone Consults

Auction Item 19: Query + 1st Chapter + Skype Consultation with Rebecca Yarros

Auction Item 20: Character Personality Analysis by Lawrence Kotkin

Auction Item 23: Custom Author/Book Swag Pack by J.C. Davis

Bonus Auction Item 9: Marketing Consultation by Dea Poirier



Custom Art & Formatting
Auction Item 21: A Custom Digital-Only Book Cover Design by S.P. McConnell

Auction Item 24: Cover design by Caitlin Greer

Auction Item 25: Full Formatting Job by Caitlin Greer


 
Agent Critiques & Consultations

Auction Item 5: Query + First 3 Chapters Critique by Agent Roseanne Wells

Auction Item 6: Query + First 10 pages Critique by Agent Emily Keyes

Auction Item 7: Query + First 3 Chapters Critique by Agent Julia A. Weber

Auction Item 8: Query + 1st 3 chapters or A Full Non-fiction Proposal Critique by Agent Terrie Wolf

Bonus Auction Item 6: Query Critique by Agent Rachel Brooks

Special Bonus Auction Item: Query Critique by Agent Eric Ruben 

Editor Critiques & Consultations
Auction Item 2: 50 Page critique & 30 Minute Phone Consultation by Mandy Schoen

Auction Item 48: Query + 1st Chapter Critique by Editor Meredith Rich


Auction Item 9: Query + Synopsis + 50 Page Critique by Anya Kagan with Touchstone Editing

Auction Item 14: Query + Synopsis + 50 Pages Critique by Kim Graff with Wild Things Editing

Auction Item 15: Submission Package Critique by Maria Ann Green with Wild Things Editing

Auction Item 18a: Private Class: Editor’s First Aid by Lynnette Labelle

Auction Item 18b: Substantive/developmental edit by Lynnette Labelle

Auction Item 63: 1st Chapter Critique by Editor Tara Creel

Auction Item 64: 1st Chapter Critique by Editor Tara Creel

Auction Item 65: 1st Chapter Critique by Editor Tara Creel


Full Manuscript Critiques

Bonus Auction Item 7: Full Manuscript Critique by Ashley Turcotte

Auction Item 1: Full Manuscript Critique by Lara Edits

Auction Item 26: Full NA or YA Manuscript Critique by Molly Lee


Multi-Page / Chapter Critiques (& More!)
Auction Item 19: Query + 1st Chapter + Skype Consultation with Rebecca Yarros

Bonus Auction Item 13: Query + 50 Pages YA Critique by Jodie Andrefski

Auction Item 13: Query + 50 Pages Critique by L.S. Murphy


Auction Item 3: 50 Page Middle Grade Manuscript Critique by Jen Malone

Auction Item 10: 50 Page Middle Grade Manuscript Critique by Elliah Terry

Auction Item 11: 50 pages manuscript critique by Kelly Calabrese

Auction Item 12: 50 Page Critique by Jennifer Blackwood


Bonus Auction Item 10: 50 Pages YA Critique by Trisha Leaver

Auction Item 16: Query + Synopsis + 1st 3 Chapters Critique for YA by Brianna Shrum

Auction Item 44: Three Chapters Critique + B&N Gift Card Package by Jeanmarie Anaya

Bonus Auction Item 14: Query + 3 Chapters Critique by Sharon Johnston

Auction Item 17: Three Chapter Critique by Kara Leigh Miller

Auction Item 46: First Three Chapters Critique by Stacey Nash

Auction Item 47: Three Chapter Critique by Nicole Zolteck

Bonus Auction Item 2: Three Chapter MG Manuscript Critique by Laura Shovan

Bonus Auction Item 8: Query + 1st 25 Pages Critique by Agent Intern, Kyra Nelson

Auction Item 50: Query + 1st Chapter Critique by Sonia Hartl

Auction Item 51: Query + 1st Chapter Critique by Dannie Morin

Auction Item 52: Query + 1st Chapter Critique by Casey Lyall

Auction Item 53: Query + 1st Chapter Critique by Rosalyn Eves

Auction Item 55: Query + 1st Chapter Critique by Natasha Raulerson

Auction Item 56: Query + 1st Chapter by Natasha Neagle

Auction Item 57: Query + 1st Chapter Critique by Jennifer Hawkins

Auction Item 58: Query + 1st Chapter Critique by Marie Meyer

Auction Item 60: Query + 1st Chapter Critique by Ronni Arno

Auction Item 61: Query + 1st Chapter by Suzanne van Rooyen

Bonus Auction Item 5: Query + 1st Chapter Critique by Brooks Benjamin

Bonus Auction Item 11: Query + 1st Chapter Critique by Wendy Spinale

Auction Item 62: Query + 1st Chapter Critique by Sarah Glenn Marsh

Auction Item 54: First Chapter Critique by Roselle Kaes

Auction Item 59: First Chapter Critique by Laura Heffernan

Auction Item 66: First Chapter Critique by Linda Budzinski

Auction Item 45: Ten Page Critique by RuthAnne Snow

 Bonus Auction Item 1: First 5 Pages Critique by Lara Edits


 Query Critiques
 Auction Item 75: Query Brainstorming Package by Naomi Hughes

Auction Item 67: Query + 1st Page Critique by Kelly Siskind

Auction Item 68: Query Critique by Amy Trueblood

Auction Item 69: Query Critique by Helene Dunbar

Auction Item 70: Non-fiction Query Critique by Jenna Glatzer

Auction Item 71: Query Critique by Tamara Mataya
 
 Auction Item 72: Query Critique by Michelle Hauck

Auction Item 73: Query Critique by Rachel Lynn Solomon

Auction Item 74: Query Critique by Lynnette Labelle

Auction Item 76: Query Critique by Nikki Roberti

Auction Item 77: Query Critique by Elinor Sattler

Gratitude Beyond Words (and a continued plea for help)

I've been trying to write this blog post for more than three weeks, but I'm riding such an extreme roller coaster of emotional highs and lows that I can't always compose a coherent sentence these days.

As you probably know if you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, I've been super-excited about our upcoming move back home to Maryland. In fact, when we got our orders for the move, I couldn't contain my emotions.

Eventually, I'll find the emotional strength to explain exactly why this promised move back to Maryland was such an overwhelming blessing to me, but for now I'll just say that I am healthier in Maryland than I've been anywhere else in my life. I was the girl who was constantly sick (my brother jokes that my immune system is entirely too nice, sending invitations and greeting cards to germs instead of fighting them off) throughout my growing up years. But the climate in Maryland is perfect for me, and during the three and a half years that we lived there, we all marveled that my immune system was actually working almost as well as a "normal" person's system. (In the three years that we've lived in New Mexico, I've been sick nearly every day, except for the few weeks when I've had the opportunity to go back and visit my friends in Maryland.)

So moving back to Maryland, to the home I love where I can feel truly alive ... This was the greatest blessing in the world! I was so excited, in fact, that I couldn't bring myself to wait for the end of the summer.

I packed my husband's car with all the things we would normally move on our own (instead of letting the military movers take them for us). Things like my old journals, handmade Christmas ornaments, an extra crock pot and air mattresses ... Those things that either can't be replaced for any amount of money or that we will need to make our lives comfortable while we wait for the movers to arrive with the rest of our household goods on the other side of the move. ... And I drove across the country in a three-day solo road trip to check on the house and drop the car off in Maryland on my way up to New York for BEA.

But I didn't tell anyone I was coming. Because deep down, I had this nagging fear: What if??

What if I moved back to Maryland only to discover that all of my friends had moved on? What if they no longer had room for me in their lives? What if my neighbors weren't as happy to see me as I was anxious to see them? What if??? 

I pulled into town on Sunday afternoon and cheerfully skipped up the front steps to my beautiful house. Tomorrow, when I was rested and refreshed, I would surprise my friends with a visit and put to rest those fears. But for now, I couldn't wait to relax in the quiet of my own home.

But the front door wouldn't open. I couldn't get the deadbolt to unlock.

I shrugged and skipped around to the back door, eager to unpack the car and start turning my house into home again. I turned the key and pushed the door open, and a flush of water splashed on my head.

Huh. Must have been a rainstorm recently. And water somehow collected in the door frame. I didn't realize it was possible for so much to collect there, but no matter. I was home.

Grinning from ear to ear, I stepped inside.

And screamed.

My kitchen was flooded. The floor and the brand-new countertops (installed weeks before we moved away) destroyed.

I raced through the kitchen to see the rest of the house ... And screamed again as I discovered that it wasn't just the kitchen.

The dining room.

The living room.

The library.

Every bedroom.

The bathrooms.

The basement.

Everything. Destroyed.

And there was nothing I could do to turn back the clock. Nothing I could do to fix it. No one I could even turn to for help.

I ran out of the house, still sobbing, frantically trying to figure out what I could do. But my brain wasn't working. I couldn't figure out who to call, what to do ... I simply stood in the middle of my back yard and cried.

My neighbor came running to check on me. And she held my hand and hugged me tight until I could calm down enough to realize that I needed to call my husband. She stood beside me while I made the call. Helped me form the words when I couldn't even complete a full thought. Held me up (literally) when I couldn't stand on my own.

But the support and blessings didn't stop with one neighbor's kindness.

The Lord was definitely watching over me. While I was on the phone with my husband, one of our friends in Maryland, out of the blue, sent him a Facebook message to ask when we'd be back in town. "We're moving back at the end of August," he replied, "but Veronica is there now. And apparently, there's a problem with the house."

She started making phone calls, and within minutes, members of our church congregation (as well as the neighbors from up and down the street, who had heard me crying) were gathered in my back yard to help me assess the damage and make a plan. I had three different offers of a place to stay for the night (one friend, who was in the middle of a move herself, even offered to lend me her new house for a few days, so I could have my own space!! - though I ended up opting to stay with another friend, where we ended up having a mini sleepover, complete with hair braiding and giggling late into the night.) And plans were being made to help me take care of everything that needed to be done.

We filed a claim with the insurance, I made plans to contact some contractors after my trip to New York (I had another 3 days in Maryland planned for after BEA), and on Tuesday morning, I left for Book Expo America in New York with a little bit of a skip in my step. I still felt like I was walking in the haze of a waking nightmare, but I knew it was going to be okay. Because the damage to my home was devastating, but at least I discovered it now, when there was still time to get it fixed before we move back in late August. At least I had insurance. At least I knew my friends were there for me.

I checked into my hotel (they had my room ready a full three hours early!), spoke to the insurance claim representative to make plans for her to visit the house Wednesday morning to complete the claim, and then spent the afternoon at the Manhattan LDS Temple, refreshing my spirit and gaining a much-needed dose of peace from the Lord.

That night, I met with some friends at the Teen Author Carnival, gushed about all of the amazing books (and wished I had more money to spend because I wanted to buy ALL the books!!), and I made plans to see my fabulous agent, Jessica Sinsheimer, the next day.

By Wednesday morning, when Jessica and I met with our friend, Claribel Ortega, at the Javits Center for BEA, I was almost cheerful, dreaming up the fabulous possibilities that the forced remodel presented. Yes, it would be expensive, and money would be tight for a while, but at least I didn't have to face the possibility of shouldering the entire cost! I had wonderful, supportive friends, awesome plans for a fun week in New York, and the assurance that everything would be okay. Life wasn't so bleak after all.

Then, after lunch, Jessica went back to work, and I returned to BEA. I stood in line to meet a few of the authors I'd come to see and collected some really fun advance copies of their fabulous books. I met up with a few friends. And even the crowded show floor didn't overwhelm my introvert sensitivities. Because I knew everything would be okay.

As I strolled through the crush of people, on my way to Mo Willems' book signing, my phone rang. The insurance representative. That was fast! Obviously, this was a good sign. We'd definitely be able to get the repairs completed before our moving date at the end of the summer. I grinned and stepped out of the event hall to find a relatively quiet place to take the call.

"Mrs. Bartles, this is [insurance representative]. I just finished looking at your house, and unfortunately..." She explained that they wouldn't cover any of the damages to our home.


Nothing.

Nada.

Zilch.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Bartles, but the damage is specifically excluded by your policy. Have a nice day!"

And she hung up.

I walked back into the exhibit hall in a daze, and over to the signing line for Mo Willems. I stood in line, smiling and making idle chit-chat with the people around me. And when I reached the front of the line, I smiled and posed for a picture with one of my favorite picture book authors EVER.

I could do this. I just had to keep going. Remember that every amazing thing that has ever happened in my life started out with a giant tragedy. And this would too. Soon, I'd be able to look back at this whole experience and be extremely grateful for the opportunity. I just couldn't let myself forget to be positive.

I walked over to the Spencer Hill Publishing booth to get a schedule for their author signings. Because I love so many Spencer Hill books, and I knew I'd want to camp out in their signing lines. They greeted me with smiles and cheerful hellos ... and I burst into uncontrollable sobbing tears.

I am so grateful for Cindy Thomas, who offered me a shoulder to cry on as I poured out the whole story (and then checked in on me several times over the next few days), and the rest of the fabulous Spencer Hill team. They kept me from falling apart completely, and let me know I wasn't alone, when I totally felt like I was.

The rest of BEA is, I admit, a bit of a blur. I didn't spend much time at the actual convention, because the crowds were overwhelming, but I met with so many friends (my amazing agent, Jessica, my fabulous editor, Kristin Rens, many of the awesome Pitch Wars mentors, and some of my real-life Twitter friends, like Roseanne Wells, Monica Odom, Isabel Bandeira, Claribel Ortega ... and so many others) away from the Javits Center. Even though most of them had no idea I was facing this terrifying prospect, they cheered and supported me in multiple ways, helping me to keep moving forward through all the ups and downs.

And then, I was back in Maryland, meeting with contractors to gather estimates for the work that needs to be done and trying to get as much as possible accomplished before flying back to New Mexico.

We're working every angle we can. We've filed a complaint with the Maryland Insurance Administration. We've contacted several different contractors to get the best quote we can for the repairs. We're looking at all the loan options we have available.

And we've set up a GoFundMe campaign to ask for help. Which may have been the scariest part of the whole process. Because I'm more of a step-in-to-lift-others'-burdens kind of person than an admitting-that-I-can't-do-it-all-alone girl. Still, I'm overwhelmed every day by the number of people sharing the link, promising financial support, and sending virtual hugs and prayers our way. You have no idea how much this means to me. And I can't thank you enough. Though I'm a writer, I simply have no words.

Many of the donations have come in anonymously, so I can't thank you in public, but I hope you all see this post and know how much I appreciate you!

We've established a Go Fund Me campaign to ask for help, and the support so far has been overwhelming!! Thank you all so much!! Every pledge ... every share ... every comment means more than you could possibly imagine!

I still don't know how it's all going to work out. I'll admit, I'm still struggling to keep up the perky cheerfulness I'm often known for. But I've had an outpouring of love and support from so many people that I don't doubt it will work out in ways I couldn't possibly imagine.

Thank you all. You mean the world to me. And I appreciate you more than I have the words to express right now! *smooshes the world with Giant Squish Hugs*

Getting my Priorities in Order (Update!)

I suffer from "As You Wish" syndrome.

When someone I love needs or wants something from me, it's very difficult to say no. I love seeing you smile and knowing that I played a part in putting that smile on your face. But sometimes (often), I say yes to so many people that I end up with far too many commitments and not nearly enough time to accomplish them all. And then I end up disappointing the very people I'm trying to help.

I've blogged about this issue here, here, here, and here (as well as a few - okay, many - other times). And let's be honest, I'll be blogging about it again before long. For someone with "As You Wish" syndrome, learning to say "no" is an ongoing, life-long process.

And I knew I was approaching my breaking point again a few weeks ago, when I talked about Juggling All the Things. But this weekend, I realized that I've actually long-since passed that point. As I sat down to schedule my Saturday, trying to fit in DD#1's band competition, DD#2's volleyball game, DD#3's church youth group mother/daughter activity, DS's bass guitar lessons, movie night for my oldest two daughters and their youth group, a church dance for my son, Pitch Wars critique, writing critiques for my CPs, blog posts, responding to emails about TWELVE STEPS school visits, and trying to fit in a little time to write my own WIP ... Something had to give. At any given time, I had at least three different places to be simultaneously. And since scientists haven't yet perfected cloning, I just couldn't do it all. But I'd promised everyone, and I couldn't let them down! So I worked out a schedule where I could do a little bit of everything, as long as I didn't stop moving for even a moment. It meant being on the move from 6am until 11:30pm or later, but I would do it all. And then, when the craziness was all over, I promised myself I'd learn to say "no."

As I prepared to leave my youngest daughter's mother/daughter activity (where we made these adorable Princess headbands for the little girls at church)

 the leader gave me a hug and said "I know you're extremely busy, but thank you for taking some time to come today." I smiled and nodded, but I was already running late for my next commitment, so I didn't really have time to let her words sink in.

That night, when I met my older daughters' youth group at the movie theater (where they were going to see the new Meet the Mormons movie), their youth leader invited me to stay and watch the movie with them. My daughters and their friends agreed. It would be so fun!!

"Oh, no," I replied. "I can't. I have work to do. I'm going to take my laptop and find someplace to write."

I watched the faces of my two daughters fall as they nodded and accepted the fact that Mom was too busy to simply hang out with them and their friends. - So I scrapped the rest of my To-Do list for the night and spent the next 90 minutes or so sharing a giant bucket of popcorn with the girls.

I'm really good at reminding other people that they shouldn't try to do everything at once. In a recent guest post about social media on the SCBWI MD/DE/WV blog, I wrote: "Don’t try to do it all at once! You know that old adage about eating an elephant one bite at a time? The same applies to building your online presence. If you try to do everything at once, you’ll burn yourself out before you even get started." And it's time I started taking my own advice. So once again, I'm making the commitment to streamline my life.

For the rest of October, I'll be playing catch-up. I'll be completing a web re-design to make my author website and blog more streamlined and easier to navigate, and I'll be setting a posting schedule for myself that will (hopefully) be easier to follow - including letting some of the less-important things go. When I come back in November, I hope to be much more consistent.

And I need your help! I want to return the main focus of this blog to it's original purpose: Finding the blessings within life's daily trials. I'll need to let go of some of the "extras" that have taken over recently, but I don't want to lose them all. So please vote in my poll below to let me know which blog features you love and which you really could do without. (Vote for as many items as you'd like. I'll take all of your input into consideration.)

Thank you so much! I love you all!!

Update: As votes trickled in for my poll, both officially and through comments on my other social media outlets, I realized two things:

#1 - The results were incredibly inconclusive. Every vote I got for discontinuing a feature was offset with a vote from someone else for keeping it. 

#2 - I was sorely tempted to "cheat" by asking friends and family members to come cast their votes for the things that I wanted to win. Which means I already know, in my heart, what needs to stay and what needs to go. So I've closed the poll early, and over the next week or so, I'll be working out a schedule. At the end of October, I will post my new schedule, along with the reasons why I'm keeping (or letting go) the features I've decided upon.

*Giant Squish Hugs* to you all!!

Win a Critique on Your Writing and Support an Amazing Cause!

Today, I'm participating in an auction to raise money for RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) on Kelly Johnson's blog, My Countless Lives. Several authors, agents, and other publishing professionals have donated services like query critiques, phone consultations, and even full manuscript critiques. Plus, there are several autographed books up for auction, for those of you who read more than you write (or for those, like me, who are just obsessed with books)!

I've donated a critique of either a Query plus First Chapter OR a Query plus Full Picture Book manuscript (the winner gets to choose)! Bidding starts at $10 for each auction, so hurry over and place your bids to help a great cause!