Doing it All!

So, we've already established that I'm insane, right? And that I can't back down from a writing challenge? And that I don't know how to relax?

Okay, so it should surprise none of you that I've committed myself to a very, very busy November!

A few years ago, I discovered (and conquered) NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), where I wrote my very first, 50,000-word novel in less than a month's time! (Except, I kind of cheated a little bit, because I was moving in November, so I wrote for 30 days in October instead. I think it still counts!)

Last year, I discovered PiBoIdMo (Picture Book Idea Month) - the challenge to come up with a new picture book idea every single day for thirty days.... And I did it! (I'm currently querying one of the picture books that came about as a result of this challenge.)

 

 

This year, I'm in the middle of querying my YA contemporary novel and my favorite picture book. I'm also working on revising not one, but two separate Middle Grade novels and another picture book. And I'm writing my knitting book as well. I certainly don't have time to take on any more challenges!!

 

So, for November 2012, naturally, I've decided that I'm going to DO IT ALL!!! Is anyone surprised? Yeah, I didn't think so. Polish up my gold star, folks, I'm getting ready to defend my Rock Star status!! My plan this month is to:

 

1. Write a 50,000+ word YA novel (my NaNoWriMo name is v.bartles, if you want to look me up)

 UPDATE: 11/5 word count so far - 7,134 (a little bit behind, but catching up)

UPDATE: 11/14 word count: 21,415 (almost caught up!!)

 

2. Come up with 30+ original Picture Book ideas

UPDATE: 11/5 idea count so far - 7

UPDATE: 11/14 idea count - 13 (I just need one for today, so I don't fall behind...)

 

3. Finish revising at least one of my 2 Middle Grade novels

UPDATE: 11/14 - trying to decide which MG novel to focus on for Pitch Wars contest...

 

4. Keep moving forward with querying my finished projects

UPDATE: 11/14 I've decided to enter the Agent for the Holidays pitch contest!! (Writing my entries today)

 

5. Check in weekly on my blog to let you know how I'm progressing (I probably won't be doing 2 or more blog posts each week, as I've been doing lately. Look for my updates on Sunday evenings or Monday mornings, most likely. - Or you can follow me on twitter - @vbartles - for daily updates on the writing goals.) UPDATE: 11/5 wrote a different kind of blog post yesterday, so I'm updating here instead of on a separate post.

 

6. Maintain at least a small shred of sanity (UPDATE: Jury is still out on whether or not I was even remotely sane before this crazy month began! - And I think I've now confirmed that I'm not even remotely sane!!)

 

Oh, yeah... And I'm also going to participate in the  Spectral read-a-thon, and I'm thinking about jumping on the "read 30 novels in 30 days" bandwagon too... because you know, the challenge is there... 

 

UPDATE: 11/5 - Due to a recent Twitter conversation with Summer Heacock, I've determined that I have to add one more thing to my month: Weekly blog posts - "Crockpot Gourmet for the Frantic Chef" - This may become a regular feature...

 

Can it be done? Well, if anyone can do it, I'm just the stubborn girl to make it work! If nothing else, I won't have time to wallow in fears and self-doubt this month. I'll be too busy writing new and amazing stories. I'll see you all on the other side! I hope! :)

R-E-S-P-E-C-T - Find out What it Means to Me!

As a writer deep in the querying trenches, I've heard one tidbit of excellent advice over and over again.

Don't complain about the agents/editors/publishers who reject you in public forums!!

This is a total, "Well, duh, obviously!" bit of advice, because anyone who really stopped to think about it would realize that establishing yourself as someone who whines and complains when you don't get your way is not the best way to get your foot in the door to a successful publishing career. If I sent a query letter to Agent A and then posted scathing criticism about him when he rejected my manuscript, how good are my chances that Agent B (who might be good friends with Agent A for all I know) would want to work with me, even if she absolutely loved the manuscript? Yeah, not so much.

And what if Agent X is totally in love with your manuscript, but when he does a quick google search for your name, he finds your blog, where you've complained about Agents A-W? Not only does X know he wasn't your first, or even your second choice for representation (Would you start a query letter with "Dear Agent X, I'm querying you because everyone else already said no, and you're better than nothing"???), but now he has to wonder about how you'll handle rejection when it comes time to send your manuscript to publishers.

The advice about not complaining in public is so obvious that you would think it kind of goes without saying.

And yet, when you're stuck in the middle of this frustrating process, feeling alone and picked on and completely down-in-the-dumps, sometimes, you just want someone to reach out and tell you "You're amazing and Agent Q doesn't know what she's missing!" So, even though you know it's wrong, you're tempted to vent your frustrations on your blog ("only my close friends read it anyway, so I'm safe") or your twitter feed ("I only have 45 followers, so it's no big deal") or something. I get that. I've been tempted to complain from time to time myself. It's not okay. If you need someone to vent to, find a close friend and feel free to cry your eyes out over a cup of hot chocolate at the local diner, but a public forum is not the place for your personal pity party. Ever! No matter what!!

Enough said.

Except... the street runs both ways.

I follow a lot of agents and editors on twitter and their blogs, and I've realized something that might shock the socks right off of many of my aspiring author friends out there: Agents are people too!! Seriously, kids, I'm not making this up! Many (maybe even most) of them don't like sending out rejections any more than we like receiving them, but they simply can't accept every writer that sends a query letter. And would you really want them to? An agent with 2,000 clients wouldn't have time to effectively do his or her job. They have to be selective, and that's a good thing. But because they're people too, sometimes these agents get frustrated with the process too. After a busy week full of sending out clients' manuscripts to editors (and maybe getting more rejections than offers on the novels they thought would be snapped up in less than a heartbeat), sifting through hundreds of query letters, and getting angry responses from many (though certainly not most!!) of the authors they send rejections to... it's natural for an agent to get a little fed up.

It's natural to want someone to say "You were absolutely right, Agent V, a 400-page memoir about a man who discovered that his belly-button lint has super-secret plans to take over the world probably won't sell well in the picture book market. I don't blame you for turning that down." And so I totally get it when an agent takes to his twitter account to complain about the crazies that send him queries every day... or she writes a scathing blog post about the wannabe authors that expect to get published even though they don't know how to write a complete sentence. It's totally natural to want to vent. But I beg you: Don't do it!!

The thing is, everyone knows that in order to be truly successful in the writing biz, aspiring authors must send our queries to the right agents - the agents that enjoy the kind of books we write. And so we do our research. We check out the twitter feed, we read the blog posts, we check out every interview we can get our hands on. And professionalism means a lot when looking for the right agent.

It doesn't matter if 15 of Agent C's 22 clients are all on the New York Times' bestseller list, and she says she's looking for a book that exactly fits the manuscript I want to send her... If she regularly posts snarky comments about the idiots who query her, I won't send a query. Yeah, she might be the perfect agent to sell my book and make millions of dollars for me, but why would I want to take the chance that I might be the wannabe writer she ridicules next?

So my point is: We need to all remember that publishing is a business, and it pays to be professional. Furthermore, it's a business where REAL people with REAL feelings sit on both sides of the desk, and rude behavior is never okay.


Note: No real authors or agents were referred to in the writing of this blog post. I don't want to hurt any body's feelings or make you feel like I'm singling you out as an example for what not to do, so I tried to be as random as possible when concocting examples for this blog post. If you are, in fact, an aspiring author who has written a 400-page memoir about your struggles with megalomaniac belly button lint, I'm not saying that you'll never find an agent willing to champion your book. Just probably not one that specializes in picture books. And I realize that it's unlikely that any agents are actually reading my silly, little blog, but if you are (or know of) an agent who happens to have exactly 22 clients, 15 of which regularly spend time on the New York Times' bestseller list, please don't think I'm trying to imply in any way that you are anything but kind and helpful in your online interactions.

A Child's Perspective on the 3rd Presidential Debate

The kids stayed up with me to watch the final Presidential debate again tonight (we tried to watch the 2nd debate, but it devolved so quickly into petty bickering that we couldn't force ourselves to sit through it), and as I'm sure there are many (like me) who are still undecided about this election, I thought you might be interested to hear the kids' thoughts...

 

8-year-old: Decided three-quarters of the way through the debate that they were giving her a headache, and this wasn't worth staying up past bedtime for. She went to bed.

 

10-year-old: "I don’t get politics. That’s what I learned. They’re annoying, and I didn’t understand anything they said. I also learned that when you pause the TV, Mitt Romney always has a weird expression on his face."

 

12-year-old: "Mitt Romney contradicts himself on accident, because he tries to say something, but he confuses himself, I think. Barak Obama expects our country to be perfect, and he wants it to be the best. He expects us to have the best education, even though a lot of the people in our country aren’t really trying. He said in his closing statement that 'it would be good to have the strongest military,' but it’s kind of hard to be the best. I also learned that they made two-year-olds look mature!"

 

14-year-old: They both really like talking about the economy. 'What about foreign policy?' 'Well, let’s talk about the economy. Let’s talk about jobs.' It was annoying. Mitt Romney probably doesn’t have a plan. He’s just making it up as he goes along. Because he keeps saying 'I know how to do this. I’m keeping it a secret, but I know what I’m doing, just leave it to me.'"

 

When I asked the kids who they would vote for, only the ten-year-old had an answer. (She would vote for Obama, because he didn't say he would cancel PBS in the first debate.) This debate was no more successful than the first Presidential debate in convincing the children to support one candidate over the other.

Sparrows, Traps and the Power of Prayer

This morning, in church, one of the speakers talked about the power of prayer in our lives. She spoke of the miracles that prayer can bring into our lives, and the strength we can achieve through it. I found my attention starting to wander a bit ("I've heard all this before. I could teach this lesson, if I wanted to.") until she mentioned a story from a talk given by President Boyd K. Packer (President of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) in a general conference talk in October 2009.

President Packer said that the Lord expects us to not only pray for His help and guidance in our troubles, but He expects us to do all that we can for ourselves as well. He said:

That principle is illustrated by the story of a little girl. She was upset with her brother, who built a trap to catch sparrows.

Unable to get help, she said to herself, “Well, I’ll pray about it.”

After her prayer, the little girl told her mother, “I know he is not going to catch any sparrows in his trap because I prayed about it. I’m positive he won’t catch any sparrows!”

Her mother said, “How can you be so sure?”

She said, “After I prayed about it, I went out and kicked that old trap all to pieces!”
 

 This little girl didn't doubt that the Lord would hear her prayers and help her with the problem she faced. After all, didn't Jesus Christ say that Heavenly Father notices when even a tiny sparrow falls to the ground? (Matthew 10:29) Of course he would help her save the sparrows. But the girl's faith didn't end with the plea to God on her knees. With the courage she found in prayer, she got up and did something about that dreadful trap!

As I listened to this story, I thought about my own struggles in the past few years, as I've worked to become "a real writer" - plugging away, day after day, on my manuscripts... revising and polishing until they shine... dreaming of the day when I would see my name on the cover of a real book in a real bookstore. Like the little girl in the story, I've believed that with the Lord's help, nothing is impossible, and I've prayed with faith, trusting that the Lord would guide my path properly. Unfortunately, I haven't fully followed this wise little girl's example.

Oh, I know that nothing of true value comes without effort. And believe me, I've put in lots of effort. Countless hours reading, writing, revising, taking classes, exchanging manuscripts with published authors and editors for critique, more revisions, more classes, more writing and more critiques... I've done just about everything possible to ensure my success as "a real writer."

Except one thing.

I've let fear of rejection hold me back from submitting my work to agents and editors. In many of the blog posts, webinars, conferences and classes I've studied, I've heard that usually, the first novel you write won't be good enough for publication. I've heard more than one industry professional advise that you should write that first book, revise it, learn from it, and then put it away and write something new and better. And so I put my first novel away. Because "everyone" said it probably wouldn't ever be good enough.

I wrote another manuscript. And I put it away. Then I wrote another. And I put it away. Then, I rewrote the first story from a different perspective, and it was a completely different book but I told myself I had to put it away again, because it was technically my "first manuscript" and therefore it couldn't be good enough to get published. And so I wrote another story instead. And another...

Somewhere along the way, I guess I forgot that I was supposed to have "kicked that old trap [fear] to pieces!" And it doesn't matter that I've built grand birdhouses to shelter the sparrows [in this analogy, the sparrows are my unpublished manuscripts] or prayed for the Lord to help them fly... As long as I allow that trap to remain, the little birds will never be free.

So this week, I'm working on "kicking that old trap to pieces." I'm determined to swallow my fears, to send out query letters and to keep moving forward, even when I face let-downs and set-backs. Because I know that the Lord is always there to help me and to give me the strength I need, but He won't do it all for me. He expects me to do all I can too.

What about you? What "traps" are you facing in your life? What steps do you need to take to overcome them? Do you have the courage to "kick that old trap all to pieces?"

Book Review & Giveaway! THE STARS FELL SIDEWAYS by Cassandra Marshall

I am so excited to be participating in the blog tour for Cassandra Marshall's YA Steampunkish Fantasy, THE STARS FELL SIDEWAYS!!

 

From the official website:Alison Arroway takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’. She has to, or she won’t get paid. Alison is a stunt double for pampered teen actress Pomegranate and when the director takes the shoot to Portugal, Alison is anything but thrilled to be rooming with Pom. But getting to hang around teen hearthrob Erik? Now that’s a plus.

Erik invites both girls on a sunset boat trip and Alison manages to have a decent time. Until the storm hits and the boat is shipwrecked on a small island, leaving Erik missing and the boat captain dead.

In the morning light, Alison and Pom find themselves on the lost island of Atlantis. Only one problem: now that the girls know the secret of the island, the Atlanteans don’t want them to leave. They're stuck with corsets, full-skirted dresses, and the strange steam-driven contraptions that are just a way of life for the islanders.

When a plot by the ruthless army Captain to take over the island and declare himself General over all emerges, an underground group promises to return the girls to the mainland if they can help stop him. They'll go through a mountain, literally, to find the Book of Blue, a book that will explain how to make ‘the stars fall sideways' in order to save the day and earn their freedom.

I absolutely fell in love as soon as I read the description of this novel (Atlantis as the setting was enough to make me want to read this, but a strong girl main character who manages to save the day, even when confined to full skirts and corsets?? I couldn't pass that up!), so when I saw that Cassandra was looking for volunteers to participate in her blog tour, I immediately sent an email, begging for a chance to be included... and SHE SAID YES!!!

I'd like to say that I put everything aside so I could read THE STARS FELL SIDEWAYS the second Cassandra sent me a review copy, but I have to admit that I hesitated. When it came time to read the book, I started to worry... What if I didn't like it??? You know I'd never post a dishonest review of a book, even if the author is one of my favorite people in real life... But could I participate in a blog tour if I didn't LOVE the book? I wasn't so sure.

LUCKILY, all of that worrying and fear was absolutely and completely for nothing! I do love it! When I finally opened the book and started to read, I couldn't put it down. Action, adventure, a touch of romance (and a slightly steamy make out session with a really cute Atlantean) kept me turning pages, even when my household chores threatened to tear me away. (I had to assign dinner-making duties to the kids, so I could read uninterrupted for that much longer.) I've seen the "lost in the city of Atlantis" theme in stories before, but this one gives a fresh twist to the idea.

Alison has to call upon the skills she learned as a stunt double to save the island and to find a way to get herself and Pom back home again. Let me just say she kind of rocks. I wish I could be as courageous and daring as Alison Arroway.

But I have to admit that Pom was my favorite character in the book. In the beginning, she's definitely your stereotypical spoiled, Hollywood brat, with almost no redeeming qualities, but her time on the island helps her to discover that there is more to life than a pretty face and posing for the paparazzi.

Want more? You can read the first two chapters here.

Once you start reading, you won't want to stop. So you can find links to buy THE STARS FELL SIDEWAYS here (it's available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Smashwords and more). And one lucky winner has a chance to win a SIGNED copy right here on my blog!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Good luck!! Update: I changed the settings on the Rafflecopter form to make the blog comment optional, instead of mandatory, as some people still have trouble posting comments on my blog (don't know what else to do to fix that!) & I want you all to have a chance to enter! I'd still love to see your comments, though!!

If you've missed the other stops on the STARS FELL SIDEWAYS blog tour, you can find the list of links here. And don't forget to visit Cassandra Marshall's blog! She's giving away a free, substantial edit of a novel (up to 100,000 words)! The free edit is good for 4 months and can be used by the winner or gifted to their favorite writer, and you have ONE MORE DAY to enter!!

Pitch Live! Entry: KISSING FROGS

Here is my entry for the Pitch Live contest I mentioned. I hope you enjoy it! (I tried like crazy to change the thumbnail for the video to the really cute frog dear hubby drew for me... but I don't know how to work YouTube, so instead you get a picture of frozen me!)

Title: KISSING FROGS

Genre: YA Contemporary

Word Count: 61,000

 

Facing my Fears - This Time I Had Help!

So, we all know that we can't grow unless we stretch ourselves and step outside our comfort zones from time to time. That's why I decided to enter the Pitch Live contest, hosted by Brenda Drake, Erica Chapman and Leigh Ann Kopans! I knew this was going to be extremely scary for me, so when I decided to participate, I immediately announced to all of my friends on twitter that I'd be posting a video, because I knew they'd hold me to it and I wouldn't be able to let fear keep me from trying. Still, I almost didn't do it.

When it came time to actually film the video, all I could think was "I don't look good on camera! I don't want people to see me! What if I mess up? What if???" Encouraged by my friends (and some people I don't even know yet) on twitter, I pulled out the video camera... Then breathed a huge sigh of relief when I realized that the battery was dead. Can't film a video without a camera, after all!

Dear hubby searched for (and quickly found) the charger for the camera while the whole family gathered to help me dream up fun ideas for the video. If we'd had more time to build sets and make costumes, this 2-minute video might have been a seriously elaborate production! In the end, we went with something pretty simple... and with my whole family gathered around off camera, I made my video with very few butterflies fluttering in my tummy.

Lesson learned today: We are on this earth to learn and grow, and we'll never do that unless we face our fears and do things that are HARD to do... But we don't have to do any of it alone! There is always someone to help us through, no matter how difficult the road we travel!!

Thank you, all, for the love and support you give me! I couldn't do it without you!

I Am So Grateful

This weekend, I had the privilege to watch the semi-annual general conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (the Mormon church).

This is one of my favorite times of year - the opportunity to listen to the leaders of the church as they give us guidance and counsel as we strive to more perfectly follow the teachings of the Lord, Jesus Christ. I've found that no matter what trials and troubles I'm facing in my personal life, I will find the answers that I need in the addresses given during this conference. This weekend was no exception.

Lately, I've been overwhelmed and run-down as I've tried to settle into my new home. I've been sorely missing the friends I left behind in Maryland, and I've been so busy with the getting-settled runaround that I haven't yet established a circle of close friends here. So I've been feeling lost, lonely and somewhat down-in-the-dumps for the past month or two. It was with this depressed spirit that I tuned in to hear the words of the Prophet this weekend.

One of the biggest themes that ran throughout many of the talks and addresses given this weekend was this: Heavenly Father knows and loves you. He sees what you are going through, and He does not hide. He is directing your path; He will answer your prayers; He has a plan for you - even if it doesn't feel like He's really there.

President Thomas S. Monson suggested in his address Sunday morning that we take time to focus on the daily blessings we see in our lives. Make a list of all that you have been given, even the small, almost insignificant blessings, he advised. When we focus on the positive, instead of dwelling on the negative, our trials and troubles become much easier to endure. I realized, as I listened to him speak, that I've gotten away from that practice here on my blog, which I started as a way to keep track of those small blessings I so easily overlook. - So here I go, back to basics, with my list of the trials (and the "small" blessings that have come from them) that I'm grateful for today:

1. I'm glad I wasn't able to pass the inspections to allow me to rent out my home back in Maryland before I left. The tighter finances have made me once again look for creative, inexpensive solutions to my needs... and I've discovered once more that I can do a lot more than I thought I was capable of! - Also, my empty house has become a blessing for a friend who needed a place to stay for a few months while she finishes her college degree.

2. I'm grateful that the public schools here aren't quite as advanced as those we left behind. The necessary shuffling of my daughter between the high school and the middle school each day has given me a schedule that makes it impossible to search for a part-time job (at least until the end of the school year). Of course, my initial feeling about this situation was one of absolute terror, as I wondered how on earth we could possibly afford to pay for two households (remember? the house in MD isn't bringing in rent right now) if I couldn't go out and get a "real" job... But because my daily schedule is full-to-the-brim with shuffling kids around to fill their school needs, I suddenly have built-in one-on-one time with each of my four children! - And as an added bonus, I have about two hours each day all to myself when there isn't enough time to go run errands or tackle some of the bigger projects on my to-do list before the first of my children arrive home from school... and this has become my scheduled writing time each day. I've accomplished more with my writing in the past two months than I thought possible!

I have so many things to be grateful for... so many troubles-turned-blessings that I couldn't possibly list them all today. But I resolve to be better at looking for the good things in life as I face the difficult opportunities for blessings that crop up from day to day!

What about you? What troubles are you grateful for?

A Child's View of the 1st Presidential Debate

I let my kids stay up to watch the Presidential debate with me tonight, because the 12-year-old had to take notes for her social studies homework, and it didn't seem fair to make the others go to bed in the middle of it if I was letting her stay up past bedtime.

Let's just say that a Presidential debate is a much different event when viewed through the eyes of a child. Forget about those boring Medicare and Social Security questions. Here is what I learned about our choices in this election (with the help of my children, ages 8, 10, 12 & 14):

Mitt Romney:
    * Likes Big Bird, but he wants to get rid of PBS anyway. ("What if he tries to cancel the Disney Channel next???")
    * Wants to help the "poor kids" get an education
    * Didn't do his homework, because he kept talking about changing things to be just the way they already are.


President Obama:
   * Really wants Obamacare
   * Thinks Romney is wrong
   * Likes to point out that Romney is wrong by twisting Romney's words around
   * Was really hard to understand


Both candidates:
   * Don't know how to follow the rules of a debate
   * Are hypocrites - they kept getting upset at each other for interrupting, even though they were both interrupting each other all the time.


The official Bartles kids' poll coming out of this debate:
  * 8-year-old would vote for Obama, "because I'm used to him."
  * 10-year-old would vote for Obama "because I like PBS"
  * 12-year-old would kick them both out because they don't know how to follow rules
   * 14-year-old is still undecided

Happy Book Birthday: THE STARS FELL SIDEWAYS by Cassandra Marshall

On October 17th, I'll be posting my review (including a giveaway!!) as part in the blog tour for THE STARS FELL SIDEWAYS by Cassandra Marshall, but I've had the lovely countdown indicator on my sidebar for the past few weeks, and it's now at zero...

Which means the book is available for purchase NOW! If you can't wait until the 17th, you can buy it from Barnes and Noble (here) or Amazon (here) or Smashwords (here).

Happy Book Birthday, Cassandra!!

Parenting in Difficult Times

We had a very powerful lesson in our combined Relief Society / Priesthood meeting today.

(For my friends who aren't familiar with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, let me explain: Relief Society is the women's organization of the church, and all worthy male members of the church, ages 12 and older are given Priesthood responsibilities. Each Sunday, our worship services consist of a Sacrament meeting, where the whole congregation meets together to be taught together and to partake of the Sacrament, as instituted by Jesus Christ at the Last Supper. Then, we break into our Sunday School classes, and in our third hour - yes, we have three hours of worship each Sunday - the women meet for Relief Society, the men meet for Priesthood lessons, and the children meet together for Primary. When there are five Sundays in a month, however, the fifth Sunday is a special meeting where the Relief Society and Priesthood come together for a joint lesson on a pertinent topic. These are usually my favorite lessons!)

Today, our lesson was about an issue that extends far beyond the boundaries of our church community. Our youth today are under attack. They face issues at an earlier and earlier age that many of us never dreamed of dealing with when we were very young. Even elementary school-aged children face tough choices when it comes to pornography, drugs and alcohol (and so much more)! As I've mentioned before, we can't wait until a child is "ready" to handle a particular issue to introduce the subject. If we don't have the courage to open clear lines of communication with our children about sex and drugs and all of the other tough issues when they are still much too young to engage in these behaviors, they simply won't be prepared to make strong choices for themselves when they are "old enough!"

We watched a short, but powerful video produced by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints about the importance of "staying within the lines." Just as in any sporting event, you must stay within the boundaries set for the competition if you want to make progress, we have boundaries that help us make progress in life as well. We are happier when we stay within the lines that the Lord has set for us. (Here is the video:)



The conversation that followed was powerful. One thought that was repeatedly expressed was that we are not here to be "friends" to our children. We need to have the courage to be PARENTS! I agree, with one slight correction to the statement...

We are not here to be our kids' buddies, but a true Parent is the best kind of true friend! I've always believed that a true friend is one who will lift you up and help you to become the best person you can be. That is the kind of friend we should be for our children. Lift them when they fall. Love them when they are not perfect. Let them know you expect greatness from them. Be there when they need a shoulder to cry on, but have the courage to let them face the consequences of their mistakes. Our children should know that they can come to us with anything that's troubling them. They should know that we will love them, no matter how royally they screw up. They should know that we will do anything and everything in our power to help them learn to be truly happy. And they should understand that sometimes, in order to help them learn, we will have to be "mean." That we won't clean up the messes they've made, but we'll help them find the brooms and mops and antibacterial cleanser (real and metaphorical) and teach them how to clean up after themselves.

That's what a True Friend will do for you. A buddy is someone who you can laugh with when times are good, but a True Friend will encourage you to keep going when times are tough. And if we want to be effective parents, we need to be True Friends for our children.

Book Review: THE MAP OF ME by Tami Lewis Brown

This morning, I get to spend some time volunteering at my daughters' elementary school library, and it's put me in the mood for a good middle grade novel. THE MAP OF ME by Tami Lewis Brown is one that I've recommended to several of the young readers I know, so it's perfect for this morning's review.

Twelve-year-old Margie feels small and insignificant.  Compared to Peep, her nine-year-old genius sister, who skipped third, fourth and fifth grades, Margie knows she’s nothing special.  But when they come home from school one day to find an empty house, everything changes.  Mom has gone, leaving only a hastily scrawled note on the back of an advertisement torn out of the newspaper – a note that says simply “I have to go.”  Margie knows it’s up to her to bring her mother home and save the day.  This is her one big chance to be the hero and save her family.  She decides that the ad on the back of her mother’s note has to be a clue, so she kidnaps Peep and steals her father’s car, determined to find the International Poultry Hall of Fame, where her mother is certainly searching for the last piece to her chicken canister collection. 

An endearing story about love and family and finding yourself, Margie’s quest will resonate with anyone who has ever wondered where and how they fit in. This book isn't just for girls who have lost a parent or those who feel overshadowed by a sibling. It's for anyone who has ever felt insignificant or alone in a crowd.

It's the Differences that Make the World Beautiful

 Yesterday, I took my family to see the Albuquerque Botanic Gardens. The gardens were absolutely beautiful, with several different, themed gardens to enjoy, and of course we snapped lots and lots of photographs of the beautiful flowers and other plants. As the day wore on, I began to notice something very interesting about the pictures we were taking. The wide shots, which usually encompassed several different types of flowers and plants in one, were absolutely breathtaking...

But every time I tried to get a close-up shot of an individual flower or two within the grouping, the individual flaws and imperfections of that particular flower became more apparent. When taken all together, I saw and focused on the beauty of the flowers, and it was only when I tried to find that one, magical, picture perfect plant that I came away disappointed.

 

I realized that life is like that. No one person is completely perfect, absolutely devoid of flaws. We all wish we could change something about ourselves. Maybe you want to lose a few pounds, add some muscle, change the color or style of your hair, alter the shape of your nose... Or maybe you have a bad habit you'd like to break (or a good habit you want to adopt)... The point is, we're all works in progress. We all stumble from time to time. We get scraped and bruised and completely run down from time to time, but we all have the potential to become better.

 

But the great thing about life is that we don't have to be perfect to be beautiful. And when we all work together for a common goal, we can rely on each others' strengths to pull us through where we may be weak.

 



The flowers at the Botanical Gardens weren't trying to put each other down or compete for the title of "most beautiful plant in the garden." Growing side-by-side, accenting and even supporting each other as they grew together, they created a beautiful display that makes hundreds of people each day stop and stare. Wouldn't it be nice if we could do the same for each other? If we could work together to make our world a better place, remembering that a daisy isn't any less beautiful simply because it isn't a rose? Wouldn't it be great if we didn't spend so much time trying to make everyone else do and act and think just like us, but learned to love and accept the unique beauty of everyone around us, remembering that it's the differences that make our world truly beautiful? Wouldn't it be great if we could learn a lesson from the flowers?

Book Review: STIR IT UP by Ramin Ganeshram

STIR IT UP by Ramin Ganeshram is more than just a fun story. It's also a great cookbook, containing delicious recipes for the Indian cuisine that serves as a backdrop for the novel.

Anjali Krishnan is passionate about cooking.   Working in her family’s roti shop in Queens, she experiments with recipes that combine her Trinidadian culture and family traditions with the influences of the multicultural world she lives in.  Though her parents hope Anjali will make the family proud by gaining admittance into the exclusive Stuyvesant high school, she has other plans.  Anjali dreams of attending a public school, where she can participate in C-CAP, a culinary arts study program, and ultimately becoming a famous chef with her very own Food Network TV show. 

When a contest for young chefs promises a chance at her dreams, Anjali knows she’s destined for greatness.  Unfortunately, the contest tryouts are the same day as the Stuyvesant entrance exam, and Anjali’s parents insist that her studies must come before her hobby.   Taking a chance at her dream means defying her parents and her family traditions, but Anjali can’t let the chance of a lifetime slip away. 

Chock full of real (and delectable) recipes, this novel is a treat for the mind as well as the taste buds.  The chicken curry recipe has become a family favorite, and it's super easy! (We've used variations of the recipe as the basis for many, many family dinners, since we read the book a few months ago.) I recommend this book for anyone who loves cooking, and anyone who has ever had to make difficult choices when following their dreams.

Staying Safe vs. Staying in the Loop

On Thursday, one of the literary agents I follow on twitter, Pam van Hylckama, was attacked. At first, she thought she was a victim of an attempted car jacking. (Her dog bit the man and he ran away. I've never been a huge fan of dogs, but I've gotta admit, that dog is kind of my hero right now!!) - But when she called the police to report the crime, they didn't think it looked like a random car jacking. Upon further investigation, including a look into her email, the police determined that the attacker was probably a disgruntled author she had rejected. He'd responded to her rejection with an "I hate you and want you dead" email, but apparently, agents receive this kind of horrendous response from whining authors a lot, and so she had ignored it. She tried to explain to the police that this email didn't mean anything, but they insisted on investigating. Sure enough, they found the man at the address he'd included in his query letter, and he had the dog bites on his arm to prove he was the one they were looking for.

I wasn't on twitter much that day, so I missed the drama as it unfolded, but when I came back online on Friday morning, I was horrified! It's no wonder so many literary agents these days don't want to respond at all to submissions they aren't interested in. How many of them would have thought that this would be such a high risk job? The saddest part of all was that she ignored the threat when it first came in, because literary agents get such hate mail all the time!

According to Ms. Van Hylckama, it appears that her attacker found her via her status updates on social media sites, as she checked in to various locations and updated her status to let people know where she would be.

Of course, any sane person would agree that this attack was not her fault. Merely letting friends and co-workers know "I'm going to such and such book signing tonight at XYZ bookstore" is NOT inviting an attack from some wacko, but as she said, "We all have to be careful about telling the world where we are all the time in this age."

The sad truth is that the world is full of crazies, and we need to be careful. It's one thing to let your close friends and family know where you'll be and when you'll be there. It's another to publicly share real-time vacation photos and travel itineraries that scream "My house is empty for the next 2 weeks, just in case you want to burglarize it!"

In the last few days, I've been going over my online presence, trying to find any security lapses in my own judgement. I used to be more diligent about not letting things slip, because I remember the fear of hiding behind the couch while my stalker went from window to window, peering in to determine whether or not I was actually home. (I was never actually assaulted by this guy, but it was still terrifying to realize he wasn't going to take "no" for an answer!) I'm not a celebrity, I don't have a high-profile job that keeps me in the public eye, and I have to admit that I'm not nearly as cute as I was seventeen years ago, when I was being followed by a nut job, but it doesn't hurt to be careful, and letting your guard down might be a mistake you can't afford to make.

I'm not saying you have to completely go off the grid. Use the tools you need to stay in the loop with your friends, family and co-workers. But pay attention to the things you're making public. It's better to be safe than sorry!

A Legacy of Creativity

My grandfather died a few weeks ago. I got the call as I was travelling from Baltimore, Maryland to our new home in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Grandpa had been sick for a while, and so the news wasn't entirely unexpected, but even when you know it's coming, the death of a loved one is a difficult pill to swallow.

Suddenly, the sight of the moon brought tears to my eyes as I remembered the way Grandpa used to transform into an "earwolf" under the light of a full moon. (He said the world had plenty of werewolves, so when his time came to transform, he turned into an "earwolf" instead. He would chase the grandkids around the yard, and we all knew that if he caught us, he would "eat" our ears - which tickled like crazy, because of his full beard!)

My siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles all promptly posted tributes to Grandpa on their respective facebook pages and online social networks. I wanted to do the same, but I couldn't. Nothing I could say or do would ever be enough to sum up the life of this great man, who meant so much to so many.

Last weekend, I travelled with my family to Salt Lake City for Grandpa's funeral. I spent the weekend reminiscing and reconnecting with family members I haven't seen in far too long. And as we remembered my Grandfather, I realized that my entire life is a tribute to Grandpa.

People always tell me that they wish they could be as creative as I am. "I would never even think to make purses out of recycled grocery bags!" "What? You built a playhouse loft bed for your kids without even following any pre-made plans? How did you even know how?"

But with grandparents like mine, is it really any wonder that I can't think inside the box?

I remember going to yard sales and thrift stores on weekends with my grandparents, to help them find torn leather jackets that they could purchase for pennies and cut up into pieces. They would turn the leather into beautiful Native American-inspired art pieces: dreamcatchers and wall hangings to celebrate the cultures and traditions of many different Native American tribes. Where others saw only a torn coat, no longer good for anything, my grandparents saw beauty waiting to be born.

The creative spirit went far beyond the beautiful artwork my grandparents created together. I never heard Grandpa say "that can't be done," and he wasn't one to sit back and wait for someone else to figure out how to do it. I can't even begin to count the number of times when someone would idly comment "wouldn't it be cool if we had a device to perform task XYZ?" Grandpa would get that familiar gleam in his eyes, and then he'd disappear for a while: scouring thrift shops, yard sales and his own stash of odds and ends until he'd compiled the components he needed to create such a device.

One shining example of Grandpa's creative spirit: Not long ago, he wanted to take several of his great-grandchildren to Thanksgiving Point (in Utah) for the day. Because his physical health didn't allow him to hike and run and chase and carry the little ones on his shoulders (like he did when I was a child), this was a slightly daunting prospect. Never fear! Grandpa always finds a way. He found several wagons and linked them together to form a train, with his electric scooter as the engine and a large wagon containing my Grandmother in her wheelchair as the caboose. And then he took his great-grandchildren on an outing they'll never forget.

Grandpa taught me to see the beauty and the myriad of possibilities in the world around me. Is it any wonder, then, that I'm driven to imagine and to create?

How Do You Know You Don't Like It?

When I was a little girl, my parents had one hard and fast rule at the dinner table. We weren't allowed to say that we didn't like it if we hadn't even tried it. And because our taste buds change over time, we had to give our least favorite foods a try every now and again, just in case. Because we were encouraged required to keep an open mind and to try new things, I discovered a love for many foods I otherwise wouldn't have tried, based on the look/smell/texture alone. (FYI: It took me 23 years to learn to like cantaloupe, and I hate shrimp every time I try it, but even though I'm no longer living with my parents, I still make myself try it at least every 18 months, just in case my taste buds have changed.)

Over the years, I've learned that my parents' dinner time rule applies to much more than exotic new foods. Any time we make up our minds about someone or something without "trying it" first, we run the risk of missing out on something wonderful.

When I was in elementary school, there was a girl in my class who had been terribly burned when she was very small. She had disfiguring scars across her face, and most of my classmates avoided her because she looked strange. But if they had taken time to get to know her, they would have discovered what I already knew: Tammy was amazing! She was sweet and kind, and she had a way of always seeing the best in people. She had a way of looking past the superficial and seeing the good inside a person's soul. My life wouldn't have been the same without her influence.

A few years ago, when we moved to Maryland, I spent quite a bit of time researching the schools in the area and chose my home in part based on where my children would attend school.  I prayed about it and felt certain that this would be the best environment for my family. And so I bought a house, secure in the conviction that my children would receive the best education possible.

But then several of my new friends and acquaintances questioned my decision to send my children to the middle school for which we were districted. One of my best friends moved to a neighboring town mainly to avoid the very school I'd picked. And many people urged me to do the same. Apparently, the middle school I'd researched so thoroughly had a reputation. Everyone in town knew that it simply wasn't a good school. The academics were substandard (no matter what the standardized test results said), the extracurriculars were laughable and the environment was downright scary. I couldn't afford to move, and we arrived in Maryland too late in the year to apply for one of the available magnet schools. We were stuck with the undesirable middle school, and I sent my oldest child off to his first day of 6th grade with a healthy dose of trepidation.

Our first few months were rocky, to say the least. I spent much of my time looking for confirmation that the school's reputation was deserved. And I found it. The teachers were uncommunicative, my son's grades were slipping... he was floundering and they didn't seem to care... we were miserable.

But then, something happened. A major miscommunication between me and my son's teachers - one that confirmed in my mind every single negative thing I'd ever heard about this school. And I decided I had no choice but to home school my children. I walked into the principal's office and demanded to speak to her. I laid out all of the issues, all of the problems, every reason I felt justified in pulling my son out of her horrible school. And she listened to my concerns without lashing back at me. Then she called a meeting with my son's entire team of teachers to discuss the issues. And we talked.

Almost overnight, this "horrible" school became the best thing that ever could have happened to my son. He was excited about learning again. He couldn't wait to get to school in the morning. And his grades steadily improved, until he was back on the honor roll. By the time my daughter started 6th grade, we were thrilled with this absolutely amazing middle school!

No, I didn't single-handedly fix a troubled school. As it turns out, the school was already pretty amazing. I simply didn't see the great things because I was so determined to believe the negative. I had decided I didn't like it without really trying it. Just like when I was a child, determined to abhor the suspicious-looking casserole Mom served for dinner, and I would choke down tiny bites of food, careful not to let the tiniest morsel touch my tongue. Once I stopped the drama and really took a taste, I discovered that it was actually delicious.

As you know, we've recently moved again. And again, our new house puts us smack dab in the middle of the school zone for the middle school and high school in the scary part of town. For about 3 months prior to our move, we heard about how terrible these schools are. When we arrived and checked in on base, we were presented with the name and number of the military advocate who could help us get permission to transfer to other schools. Everyone told us we were crazy for even considering enrolling our children there. I wondered. I wavered. I vacillated. I started researching the other options.

But then, my children reminded me of our experience in Maryland. "Let's just try it, mom. If we don't like it, we can think about trying to transfer later. But it might be better than everyone says."

We just finished our first week of school. And I'm so glad I "took a taste!" Because my kids were blessed with such great teachers in Maryland, they are more advanced academically than many of their classmates, which has necessitated some extra work in setting up their schedules. As a result, I've spent an hour or two each day at both the middle school and the high school. I've met the administrators and counselors, and I've had the opportunity to watch the students as they move from class to class and interact with their teachers. These "scary schools" are the cleanest middle school and high school I've ever seen. I didn't see any litter on the ground or graffiti on the walls. The students are courteous and considerate, and as a whole, they seem to be very respectful. I didn't hear the f-bomb (or really any profanity) ringing through the halls. And everyone - students, teachers, administrators - seems driven to help each other succeed! (Disclaimer: Of course the kids at these schools aren't perfect. It's not like they're automatons or something. I did witness one incident at the high school where a student was trying to get a teacher to take care of some paperwork for him, but the teacher was in the middle of rushing to the assembly he was conducting and couldn't do it right away. There was a slight argument and semi-raised voices on both sides of the disagreement, but I was impressed to note that neither the student nor the teacher lost their tempers, and after less than a minute of discussion, the matter was resolved - the student would return in about 15-20 minutes, and the teacher could help him at that time.)

Yes, I'm sure there are problems that crop up from time to time at these "problem schools." Is there a high school or middle school anywhere that doesn't have its share of fights in the hallways or students who feel like they're being picked on? I'm sure these schools aren't the exception. They aren't perfect. But I wonder how many of those who warn me about these schools have actually visited the campuses? How many of them are relying on the rumors they've heard? How do they know they won't like it if they haven't even tried it?

I'm grateful for the lesson my parents taught me at the dinner table so long ago. And I'm glad my children had the wisdom to remind me of this universal truth this week. You'll never know how good something might be if you don't even give it a chance. (FYI: brussels sprouts are delicious!)

Please be Patient :)

I'm in the middle of a big move (Maryland to New Mexico), and I haven't had reliable access to the internet for most of this month. I finally have an appointment scheduled to get internet connected at our new house in New Mexico, but the earliest they can get me in is next week. Please be patient with me, as my blog will be silent for a while longer. I hope to be back up and running by the first week of September at the latest!

Leaps of Faith

Today was the first Sunday of the month, a day generally designated in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) as "Fast Sunday." This is not, as my sister used to believe when we were young, "the day everyone goes home from church really fast, so they can eat." It is a day when we are asked to fast (go without food and drink) for two meals, while increasing our prayers and turning our focus to the Lord. Often, we dedicate our fasting toward a certain, specific problem we may be facing, or a loved one who is ill and in need of extra prayer. And usually, our Fast Sundays include a testimony meeting during our worship services. In these meetings, instead of the usual prepared messages, members of the congregation are invited to come forward and share their testimonies of Jesus Christ and His gospel. In sharing our experiences and our insights with one another, we are often able to help each other through trials we might not even know we shared. This was definitely the case for me today.

Today, as I prepared to begin my fast, I prayed for strength and guidance regarding our upcoming move to New Mexico. Although there are many positive aspects to this relocation (we'll be closer to my family, for instance), I freely admit that I don't want to move. I love Maryland. I love my home here, my friends, my neighbors, the schools my children attend... I love it here. This is home. And so, as difficulties have cropped up over the past few weeks (as they always do with a move), I've found myself grumbling more and more: "See? Moving stinks. Can't someone please tell the Air Force we should just stay here??"

This morning, I humbled myself and asked the Lord once more to help me accept this relocation. I asked for strength and guidance as I prepare to face this final week in Maryland, that I might be able to finish all of the unfinished projects quickly to get our house ready to rent, so we'll be able to leave early next week. And I prayed that all would be well with us, even though the unknown adventures waiting for us in Albuquerque scare me to death.

Then, I sat in the testimony meeting, marvelling at the way the Lord sent so many of His children to comfort me in my time of need. First, my sweet 10-year-old daughter stood and stared straight into my eyes as she declared that she knows that Jesus is the Christ and that he loves us, and he has given us a prophet on the earth today, to lead us back to Him. Then, one by one, friends and neighbors stood to testify of the Lord's grace and power as He shepherded them through trials they didn't realize they had been strong enough to face. Over and over again, I heard stories about when my friends had faced great obstacles, and how they had, through faith and trust, found the courage to step into the unknown. Each expressed gratitude that they had been willing to follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost, taking a step into the dark and trusting that the Lord wouldn't lead them astray.

As I listened, I remembered many times in my own life that the Lord's path for me differed from the one I wanted to take. And each time, when I followed the scary, unknown path He set for me, I found rewards greater than I could have imagined waiting for me at the end.

* When I was in junior high school, my dad got a job across the state, and I had to say goodbye to my tiny handful of friends. I was certain that I would be unwelcome in my new school, that I'd be the weird new girl who no one would want to be friends with. Instead, I found a large group of friends waiting for me, many of whom I'm still in contact with today.

* When I graduated from high school, I dreamed of going to college at an Ivy League school, far away from home (where I could have a full, fresh start for this next chapter of my life). Instead, I wound up at the University of Wyoming, only 45 miles from home... and I met the love of my life.

* After college, we planned to go to graduate school... but instead, my husband joined the Air Force, and we wound up stationed at Beale AFB, California. And so we were living near one of the top facilities for treating brain tumors when mine was discovered.

I could go on for days, listing all of the times when life took me down a road that seemed to be exactly the opposite of what I had planned, and in every case, without exception, I was grateful for the detour in the end. I'm certain that I'll find countless blessings waiting for me in Albuquerque. Something amazing that I didn't dare hope for. I just need to have the courage to leap into the darkness, trusting the Lord to be my wings.

What's in a Name? Titles Do Matter!

In preparing for our big move, I've been sorting through all of my old files this week, getting rid of the excess. In the process, I've made some fun discoveries (the story with which I won first place in the Wyoming Young Author's contest in first grade) and some eye-opening revelations (turns out, the idea for the YA novel I started writing in 2008 was sketched out in a short story I wrote way back in my junior year of high school!)

Then I came across a stack of clippings from my brief time as a staff writer for a small-town weekly newspaper in Gillette, Wyoming.


Now, I have to admit that choosing titles has never been an easy task for me, but I know that a title can make or break your story. I was particularly proud of the headline I came up with for my first published article: "Wright does it right for Wright Days 96."

The article was just a basic write-up with information on the upcoming festivities, but the headline was catchy enough to draw attention to my small article at the bottom of the page. Response to my first article was positive enough that I received another assignment for the next issue. This time, however, my editor changed the headline just before publication, because my original suggestion (something along the lines of "Runners Enjoy Fajitas after the Annual Nose Run") wasn't catchy enough. However, the headline that appeared in the paper ("Nose runners eat fajitas") conjured up a plethora of unpleasant images. Even though this second article was better written and featured at the top of a two-page spread in the paper, complete with photos, the biggest response received was, "That headline was kind of gross."

I learned two lessons from this experience that influence my writing today:

1. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself! I was very uncomfortable with the re-written headline, but I was young and insecure, and I was afraid to say anything. After the issue was published and public response to my article was less-than-positive, my editor asked why I hadn't pointed out the gross-factor of her headline. My only excuse was fear. If I had spoken up, we probably could have come up with something clever and catchy together.

2. First impressions mean a lot! Even though my second article was the better of the two, most people never discovered that, because they were put off by the headline. You wouldn't wear torn jeans and a stained t-shirt to a job interview. Take the time to dress your stories for success as well, with the best title for the tale.