Am I Technologically Impaired?

I recently found a song that, I've decided, is my new theme song. I was going to put it on this blog as the background music with one of those cool playlists that all of my friends seem to have on their blogs, but I couldn't actually figure out how to put it on here! How do you do a playlist for background music on your blog? I don't know! Sometimes, technology is not my friend. Kind of ironic, because I seem to have a reputation as someone who really knows her way around a computer or something. (Must be because of my cool computer-geek parents, I think!) Friends often ask me to come fix their computer problems for them - and usually, I manage to figure it out (sometimes with a quick phone consultation to my sweet daddy!), so I guess I'll continue with this, probably undeserved, reputation as a person who is not technologically impaired! Anyway, that was a really long way of explaining that I'll just have to tell you about the really cool song that is my newest theme song.......

Of course, as you know, I can't just say something. You have to have the whole backstory to everything, or I just don't feel like I really got my message across. Emily loves to point out how often I go off on tangents when writing on this blog.... Still, I'm going to go off on a "quick side note" (which Emily always tells me is "so not quick") here.....

If you're reading this blog, that means that you probably know who I am, and if you know me (or for that matter, if you've read the previous posts on this blog), you probably know that I had brain surgery a couple of years ago (February of 2006, actually). What you may not know was that the surgery was the easy part. I had a lot of friends walk out of my life during this difficult time, simply because they didn't know what to say or do. I understand that, it was a scary time, and many of my close friends (especially when they heard the phrase "brain surgery") were afraid that I wouldn't make it through or something. Since they didn't know how to fix it or make it better, and they were afraid that they would say or do the wrong thing, many of these friends cut off communications for a while. I'm sure you understand that feeling. How often does tragedy (in one degree or another) hit someone that we love, and we spend so much time trying to figure out the right thing to say or do that we don't say anything at all?

Anyway, I'm not bringing this up to complain. Actually, now that I'm through that really scary part, most of these friends have come back into my life - and I don't think that many (if any) of them even realize that the silence was the scariest part of the whole ordeal. So, back to my story...

When I make the hour-long (one way) drive to my myriad of doctor's appointments for follow-ups and tests and everything else, I like to listen to Radio Disney. I know, kind of silly, since I am a grown woman, but I guess I'm just a kid at heart. (Makes it kind of easy for road trips, because my kids and I have the exact same taste in music!) Well, back in 2006, as I was going to the doctor sometimes twice a week, one of the most popular songs on Radio Disney was "Unwell" (by Matchbox 20, I believe). It really struck a chord with me, and it became my anthem. I downloaded the song and burned it to a cd so that I could play it whenever I was feeling particularly alone.

All day, staring at the ceiling,

making friends with shadows on my wall.

All night, hearing voices telling me

that I should get some sleep,

because tomorrow might be good for something.

Hold on, I'm feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown,

and I don't know why.

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell.

I know, right now you can't tell,

but stay awhile and maybe then you'll see

a different side of me.

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired.

I know, right now you don't care,

but soon enough you're gonna think of me

and how I used to be.

Me, talking to myself in public,

dodging glances on the train.

I know, I know they've all been talking 'bout me.

I can hear them whisper,

and it makes me think there must be something wrong with me.

Out of all the hours,

thinking somehow I've lost my mind....

You get the picture, right? I don't need to type out all of the lyrics to this song, do I? Actually, that is still sort of my anthem. Because, gosh darn it, I'm not crazy, and this little brain tumor isn't really anything more than a nuisance that makes everyone treat me like some fragile porcelain doll or something.... And someday, I'll be remembered for who I actually am, not for my silly, dumb ol' brain tumor!!

Anyway, I kind of dated a guy in highschool who used to ask me to pick a song to fit my mood at any given time, so I really got in the habit of finding songs to tell my story for me. I guess I still do that a lot. So my new theme song - the story of my life lately - is called "A Little Bit Longer" by the Jonas Brothers. I love this song, and it really fits my story right now. This time, I think I will post the lyrics for the whole song:

I got the news today

Doctor said I had to stay

A little bit longer and I'll be fine

When I thought it had all been done

When I thought it had all been said

A little bit longer and I'll be fine

But you don't know what you got 'till it's gone

And you don't know what it's like to feel so low

And everytime you smile, you laugh, you glow

You don't even know, no, no

You don't even know

All this time goes bye, still no reason why

A little bit longer and I'll be fine

Waiting on a cure but none of them are sure

A little bit longer and I'll be fine

But you don't know what you got 'till it's gone

And you don't know what it's like to feel so low

And everytime you smile, you laugh, you glow

You don't even know, no, no

You don't even know, no, no

You don't even know (no, no)

But you don't know what you got 'till it's gone

And you don't know what it's like to feel so low, yeah!

And everytime you smile, you laugh, you glow!

You don't even know! Yeah! Oh! Yeah! Ohh! Yeah yeah!

You don't even know, oh!

So I'll wait 'til kingdom come

And all the highs and lows are gone

A little bit longer and I'll be fine

I'll be fine

How appropriate is this song to my life right now??? I just got the news that the doctors said I have to stay (here - instead of joining Phil in Korea) for a little bit longer (until his remote tour is over in January)! I thought it had all been taken care of, I thought that we had enough pull with all of our friends in high places so that I could go over there. And I'm so tired of all of the tests and appointments, trying to find something that they can "cure" to make me better, but none of the doctors seem to be able to find anything that they can really fix - it all just goes back to my tumor, just causing problems again. Still, I have the promise that, when it's all over, I will be fine. I may have to "wait 'til kingdom come," but it will happen. Someday, whether in this life or the next, I will be fine. Just a little bit longer, and I will be fine.

So, anyway, if anyone reading this knows how to put the songs on the background here and can walk me through it, I would still like to put my 2 theme songs on this page. (If not, and if you've never heard these songs, you should look them up. They're definitely worth listening to!)