The lovely Heather Webb is hosting a "Where's the Love?" blog hop for the next two days. (Click the link to see a list of all participants, and please leave your thoughts on the love scenes shared!)
Here is my 250-word scene. Please let me know what you think!
I slip my hands around his neck, burying my fingers in his hair.
Before I can stop to think about what I’m doing, I pull his lips to mine.
Jarod turns away. “We can’t…”
He glances toward the house as his voice trails off, and I’m
pretty sure he’s thinking about Laina. I close my eyes, cursing my
impulsiveness. I’ve totally ruined everything I worked so hard for tonight. But
then he touches my cheek and I open my eyes again. He smiles. “We shouldn’t,”
he says, and brushes his lips against mine once more, so quickly I almost don’t
feel it before he backs away again.
He traces the contours of my lips and my cheek with his
thumb. “You’re so beautiful,” he breathes. His arms tighten around my waist,
and he catches my lower lip between his teeth and teases it for a moment, then he
parts my lips with his tongue.
I let out an involuntary moan, and he sighs. He pulls me
close, the kiss deepening into a hungry passion. His lips move across my cheek
to my neck, and he nibbles playfully as he pushes me up against the front door,
his body tight against mine. Even through our heavy winter coats, I can feel
his heart pounding. I run my fingers through his hair and take a gasping breath
as I recapture his lips. I’m surprised that my heart doesn’t beat its way right
out of my chest.
Steamy!! I love the rising tension and the pace, from the hesitant first touches to pushing up against the front door. To make it even faster and more intense, I might suggest breaking a few of the sentences in the last two paragraphs into two, but that's very minor. I enjoyed this a lot!
ReplyDeleteI love the the change from we can't to we shouldn't. Laura's right this is a very steamy scene which is a delight to read. You have every right to be very proud of it. Great job and Happy Valentines Day!
ReplyDeleteI love the first-person approach. I was right there biting my lip as I read that he pulled her lip between his teeth! Also love the surprise image of the heavy coats. Nice touch.
ReplyDeleteYummy scene! It makes me want to see what happens next. Well-written and fun to read. Happy Valentine's Day! :)
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the pace and heat of this snippet. The hesitation and change from "We can't..." to "We shouldn't..." is my favorite part. For some reason, the words "hungry passion" pulled me out of the action though. I wonder if there is a way you could have your narrator tell just what the hunger and passion translates to in terms of what she is feeling/tasting/doing?
ReplyDeleteVery steamy stuff. I'm dying to know who Laina is, and why they can't/shouldn't. Thanks so much for sharing this wonderful scene.
Agree, Agree! Nice tension build. Very hothothot!! Good job!
ReplyDeleteI love the last line! Adds a bit of humor to temper the passion. Nice that she thinks she's ruined it, only to have it turn out better than she might have expected. The heavy coats are a nice touch and add a new meaning to "hot"! Nice work!
ReplyDeleteThanks, everyone! I appreciate the feedback (feel free to continue to comment)
ReplyDeleteI'm slowly working my way through the entries (busy week), so if I missed your blog hop entry, don't worry. I'll get to it soon! :)